Friday, May 6, 2011

My *first* mothers day...keeping it real

As mothers day approaches I have noticed a swirl of emotion and expectation going on inside of me and I think I figured it out. This morning I realized that I have all the physical and emotional memory of the pregnancy and birth; becoming a mother, wrapped up into this approaching Mothers Day.

The pregnancy was so extremely hard on me physically. Looking back, I can see how much I really struggled through the last half of the pregnancy- when I was in it one day at at time I didn't realize how much I was suffering but the truth of it is that I could barely walk and was truly debilitated, no exaggeration. Very hard but WORTH EVERY MOMENT!!
On top of that, is the actual birth. I still to this day have no idea how I managed to deliver a 10-pound 5-oz baby after 23 hours of full-on intense labor and zip zero zilch medication. ((Actually I suppose I do have an idea how I managed to do it, I BELIEVED I could do it, I BELIEVED it all along and GOD was with me through it all. I don't know how to put into words the depth of my trust and belief in God (and thus in myself) through the process, but I know for certain that it is the only explanation for the perfect outcome I had. GOD was there and we had moments of grace throughout the 23 hours. And in that 23rd hour Bowman's shoulder got stuck (shoulder dystocia, unforeseeable, easily fatal, a delivery doctors worst nightmare) and I had to stand up to my feet in an instant so the doctor could maneuver him out it was only by the grace of GOD that he was delivered in perfect condition.))...I digress. It makes me tear up with an emotional mixture of pride, disbelief, amazement and gratitude just thinking of it all. So intense and overwhelming! And I would do it one million times in his sake, look at him.
And them...
What do I expect- a a tiara? A "Hooray Allison is a Mother" parade with confetti and fireworks? umm no. So I release this silly feeling of entitlement and build-up playing into a special "Day", I don't need anything more than what I have- perfectly precious son and the best husband I could ask for. Life is lovely. I wear my badge of "Mother" proudly, and time and any day I get to spe with my husband and son is a "Mothers Day" for me! Such a gift.

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