Sunday, November 21, 2010

One year; a journey of a lifetime!

(photos taken yesterday)

It has been exactly one year since everything changed...

Last year, the Thursday before Thanksgiving at exactly 10:05pm I DISCOVERED I WAS PREGNANT!

Wow! I will never forget the shock/fear/excitement that I felt as I sat staring in disbelief at the lines on the pregnancy test.

On our 5 year anniversary (July 3, 2009), we decided that I should stop my birth control. I never had felt a major "pull" or "call" to be a mother. I sort of just knew inside that I wouldn't be what you would call "ready" for motherhood until I heard AJ say he was ready, and I also knew with our age difference of 5 years that he would be "ready" soon :) so it was decided that I would stop taking the pill and we would see what happened knowing that depending on the individual, it could take months even a year to get pregnant after stopping the pill.
After about a month, I decided to order early detection pregnancy tests from a fertility website, the test strips claimed to detect pregnancy a week sooner than the tests you can buy in the drug store. During the second and third months, I tested and tested and tested, all turning up negative.
The second week of November we had my best friend Esa and her then fiancee, (now husband), Scotty coming to visit. I think I tested all week to make sure it was ok to have a few drinks while they were visiting that weekend. I even tested on the Saturday they arrived, before I knew we would be going out to have fun that night. All tests were negative, negative, negative!!.
I remember I had been feeling funny- bloated, and "fat" (I had no clue what fat really was, ha! :). I remember getting ready to go out with Es and Scott and feeling irritated because my size 26 jeans felt a little snug and I just couldn't figure a reason why... so I wore my 27's instead, ha! Well we went out and had FUN!

I continued to feel just not my self the rest of the week. On Thursday evening I had my three girlfriends Jen, Kyla and Kara Lisa over for a glass of wine and chit-chat. AJ went to the sports bar around the corner from our house to watch a game while the girls were over. At 9:30 my girlfriends went home. I went upstairs to get ready for bed and decided I'd had enough!! what was going on with my body? why did I feel so funny?!? At 9:45 pm I decided to go to Rite Aid two blocks from our house and buy a pregnancy test because I'd used all the ones I had. I knew there was no way I was pregnant because of the "super-ultra" sensitive tests I paid a bunch of money for that turned up nothing but negative, but I just had to be sure. So I headed out and was back home in less than 10 minutes. I knew I was just going out to waste another $20 on a pregnancy test that would just turn up the same as all the others but oh well!! As soon as I got home I took the test.
The following dialoge took place in my head, I was alone in the house, AJ still around the corner at the sports bar...

"Oh of course! Another twenty dollars wasted", I dismissively remarked as I set down the negative pregnancy test on the counter...

"Wait a minute", I thought, "I didn't even look at the instructions to see what a positive/negative is..." at this point Ihad taken so many different manufacturers tests, they all have a different indication...

"Ok, this says horizontal line, horizontal line = negative....vertical line, horizontal line..................positive."

"What?!? positive. vertical....horizontal...POSITIVE!?!? holy goodness!" I think it took me 5 whole minutes to breath. Oh my lord. I. am. pregnant.

I was shaking all over. my trembling hand fetched my cell phone and managed to call my husband. felt like an eternity.....and then he answered.

"Ummmm.......hi. Are you coming home soon? ok, good see you in 5 minutes. ummmmm. bye."
Next, the horror of the previous weekend set in. "omg, omg omg, last weekend?!! with Esa and Scotty!!!!! I DRANK!!! what have I done!???" I began to sob uncontrollably out of sheer disbelief and fear of the harm I may have unknowingly caused.

I barely got it together in time for AJ to come home. I met him downstairs and asked him to come into the guestroom and sit down. I got him as far as the guest room door way and he told me I was scaring him and that I had better tell him what was going on right that instant.
I couldn't say anything...I had no voice, all my words had left me, I felt 2 inches tall and terrified.

All I could do was hold out the test stick.

He looked at it and looked back at me and looked at the stick and looked back at me again, and at the stick once more.

He said "" as though I was holding someone elses pregnancy test? no...I saw the realization set in "you're pregnant!?! YOU"RE PREGNANT!!?"

I began sobbing uncontrollably and collapsed into him. He sat down on the bed cradling me in his arms, laughing a low soft chuckle of satisfaction, pride and sheer joy. I looked up at him and exclaimed "what have I done, what am I going to do??" he looked at me with the happiest face and in his calm comforting deep warm voice said
"Alli, it's ok, we're going to have a baby. I'm so excited!" and with that I felt so much better, I sat folded up on his lap in his arms and I knew all would be good. All would be wonderful and good.

And good it was!! look what we have now! Our Bowman Boy!!

So much has happened in a year, such an amazing journey! I am grateful every time I look at him, that I carried a healthy pregnancy and gave birth to a happy healthy baby boy. Life is truly a miracle.

I am happy to recount the day we found out that the most amazing gift was coming our way. Oh, and I also knew it was a boy, I knew it was our Bowman!

Exactly one year ago, Baybo existed. He was life growing inside me. A teeny tiny miracle hardly the size of a lentil!! I rember so vividly, reading out loud to AJ the first weekend we had found out, that our baby was just the size of a teensy weensy lentil. And now I look at Bowman and then look at AJ with wonder and amazement and say, "remember when he was just a lentil!" so amazing

This was me the weekend we found out that Bowman was on his way.

1 comment:

  1. Friend I LOVE that story!! I so remember the day you called me and had me come down to your house to tell me. I was in a poopy mood and I just sat there in your house, in your arms crying because I was SO HAPPY for you!!!!