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Friday, May 21, 2010

32 weeks


Roses from my garden


This week has been filled with emotion I have never experienced before, nor have the capability to comprehend or cope. I can't even type the words, but the letter AJ wrote explains it. I have been shaken and shocked to my core and the devastation of reality is incomprehensible.
My mind, my heart and my soul refuse to grasp or accept that Isaiah, baby Zayah, is truly gone.
I am so grateful that AJ was able to get right on a plane after we got the phone call at 6:30AM on Monday. AJ was able to get to Renzi and LeeAnne so fast, it made me feel good that he could be there to help and support them in any and all ways. But being here alone has been so hard. The phone call I got from Tim, keeps replaying in my head over and over, I hear his hysteric voice and his words, and my heart breaks, over and over. I so wanted to go to Oklahoma so that I could grieve Baby Zayah with AJ and join the group of friends and family that gathered in celebration of love for Isaiah and the Stones. As much as I wanted so badly to go to OKC, because I was so sick last week (I got sick right after we returned from our weekend trip to OKC), and still not all the way well at the beginning of this week, traveling again so soon and the emotional trauma of this loss, my doctor wanted me to stay put. So I did but it hasn't been easy.

Through this, Baby Bowman continues to reassure me with massive swirls and kicks all around in my tummy. I have found comfort in the love that circulates between the two of us. Such a blessing. I love him so much and I know he can feel it.

You can see by the torpedo tummy, as my mom dubbed it, that Bowman appears to be growing quite well. I had my 32 week appointment on Wednesday of this week. My blood pressure remains a consistend 100/62 so that's good! There is some confusion on the official due date because of early ultrasound measurements. The earliest measurements indicate July 22nd while the 12 and 20 week diagnostic ultrasound measurements indicate July 16th. But who knows anyway- he's going to come when he's ready! While I was sick last week I started experiencing severe pain in my pelvic joints- which I promptly Googled to findout what the heck was going on! I learned that at this stage in pregnancy the body releases a hormone that helps the ligaments and joints of the pelvis to start loosening, without this hormone the baby would not be able to fit through. However, it's not supposed to be excruciatingly painful. Pain indicates too much loosening and instability, either my body is extra sensitive to the hormone or it released too much of it. I didn't exactly start out with child-bearing hips so I probably need all the loosening I can get but when it hurts like heck to stand up or walk, Houston we have a problem.
My doctor told me to see a Chiropractor that is qualified to do prenatal work. I have an appointment this afternoon at 4:15 so I'm really hoping for some relief! I had to stop working out because of it, I kinda need to be able to walk comfortably in order to exercise.

I decided to post some pictures that make me feel happy and bring a smile to my face.





A few pics AJ sent me from this week- At a baseball game with Jackson and the guys.
Some tough men treating themselves to pedicures. Very rough& tough pedicures of course :)











My furry boys have kept me good company all week.




















This video was on facebook and it made me smile, these little guys are so odd looking but I want one, or at least would like to spend a day at this rescue sanctuary cuddling them. I think they are just sooooooo cute and watching this makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Presh!



Meet the sloths from Amphibian Avenger on Vimeo.



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